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Three Fast And Free Diets


I have come up with three free diets over the years.


The Orgasmic Nose Diet


Orgasm burns 60-100 calories. The orgasmic nose is thus a great diet aid, and can be done discretely anywhere. Once you have calculated how much over your target calories you are over for the day, you can then simply work out how many times you need to stroke your nose in order to achieve your target.

100 strokes of the nose a day equates to 9 pounds (4 kilograms) weight loss a week. With rapid weight loss your doctor should be informed.


 Do not try this whilst driving or operating heavy machinery.


How Women Can Achieve an Orgasmic Nose


The conditioning needed in order to get an orgasmic nose are both 'Hands Free' masturbation until orgasm, (the tightening and relaxing of vaginal muscles for five minutes until vaginal orgasm occurs) and also to then stroke the nose while having the orgasm. After three orgasms while stroking the nose in succession I have found that women are then able to have orgasms whenever their nose is stroked. The common cold can then become fun. Masturbation has been reported in 'New Scientist' magazine as cutting the intensity of pain by some 80%, and this phenomena has been used for reducing pain in child birth. It is conceivable that the orgasmic nose could be used in the same way, but would be more instant than 'Hands Free' in everyday use. With this invention menstrual cramps can become a thing of the past, and it is a fast treatment. I have not tested this invention on men but cannot see why it would not work.

The method of getting an orgasmic nose is based on the work of Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov. Ivan Pavlov studied reflexes, automatic behaviour that is caused by a stimulus from the environment. Some reflexes, such as blinking your eyes when a puff of air comes in it, or the sucking of a baby when something is put in his/her mouth. This automatic behaviour can be manipulated. This is called conditioning. In this conditioning process, an unconditional stimulus is given to a person. This stimulus causes a reflex on its own. When the unconditional stimulus is now given to the person together with a stimulus that does not cause a reflex on its own. Thus, an unconditional stimulus is given together with a conditional stimulus. Because the presence of the unconditional stimulus, the reflex is caused. This process of stimulus-response is repeated for a number of times. After a while, the unconditional stimulus is not offered any more. Only the conditional stimulus is offered. Because of the repeated association of the unconditional and the conditional stimulus, the conditional stimulus will now cause the reflex on its own. Classical conditioning is succeeded.


The Orgasmic Nose as a Mental Illness Treatment


Because endorphins are given off at orgasm, while body building, and while listening to your favourite music, when all used together they have a positive effect for mental illness sufferers. Before I invented the British Space Administration Drinking Game as an alternative to the Kadir-Buxton Method cure, for those who thought the Method might hurt I used these endorphins boosters as a treatment, with the snappy slogan of: “Three frigs a day keeps the Psychiatrists at bay.” One patient found that five was necessary. “Hands Free” masturbation is an alternative to the orgasmic nose.


The Safe Sex Diet


My safe sex invention explains how a man’s prostrate gland can become orgasmic when squeezed one hundred times. An orgasm burns approximately 100 calories a day, so 100 squeezes a day will cause 9 pounds (4 kilograms) weight loss a week. As coronavirus is targeting those overweight, particularly men, this could be a real life saver, if you can get over the thought of it. 


The Anti-Calorie Diet


A calorie is the amount of energy needed to heat 1 cubic centimetre of water by 1 degree C. Similarly, an anti calorie is the amount of energy that needs to be taken out of 1 cubic centimetre of water to lower the temperature of 1 cubic centimetre of water by 1 degree C. This is the fundamental concept of the Anti Calorie Diet.


80 calories per gram are needed to accomplish the melting of zero Celsius ice, and turn it into zero Celsius liquid water. This is called the latent heat of fusion, the energy required to melt a substance at constant pressure and constant temperature.


The human body is 37 degrees Celsius. Once ice is consumed, then, 117 calories are needed to raise one gram of ice to body temperature, the temperature at which it can be used by the body.

What we have then is a simple diet aid that can counteract food eaten to keep the dieter's weight going down. For any given food that we know the calorific value for, we can divide by 117 in order to determine how many grams of ice need to be eaten in order to negate the diet slippage.


Men, on average should drink three litres a day, while women should drink 2.2 litres on average. It is possible to freeze this amount of water every night and then consume the ice the following day, so a lot of weight can be lost using the Anti Calorie diet. If you loose more than seven pounds in weight a week this should only be done with the knowledge of your Doctor. In any account, your Doctor's advise should be got before taking on any diet.


This diet is not for use by anyone with eating disorders.


I have found that in emergencies, when no medication is available, for Diabetics with high blood sugar levels that eating lots of ice gets the blood sugar level down.

The Virginity Diet

I have a fun diet tip for all women, orgasm burns 60-100 calories a time. Women, when they lose their virginity have up to 1000 orgasms afterwards and lose 9 pounds (4kg ) in weight. I came up with a method for doing so every time. Most of the nerves in the vagina are in the first 2.5 inches and by just putting in 2.5 inches (6.3 cm) of your partner or toy in causes 1000 orgasms every time. With this amount of weight loss per day excess weight can soon be burnt off.

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