Menstual Cramps Treatment

 

Low Tech Solution for Primary Menstrual Cramps, 
As Used by NASA

 

Primary Menstrual Cramps can be a debilitating problem for some 10% of women. Conventional treatment can even be as drastic as exploratory surgery whilst looking for a cure. A less intrusive solution is available. Orgasm from masturbation has been found to relieve the painful symptoms of menstrual cramps. Whilst it is not always convenient to masturbate for the necessary five minutes until the pain subsides, hands free masturbation is still possible. In order to do this one simply has to clench and then relax the vagina repeatedly for five minutes. After three and a half minutes the pain begins to subside, and goes completely in five. With this method no one need know of the discomfort being suffered, and the pain soon goes.  Those with diabetes or on mental health medication will have to take slightly longer than five minutes.

Do not try this whilst driving or operating heavy machinery.

 

 

The Coregasm

Many women who do crunches have reported having orgasms while tightening their pelvic floor at each crunch the way you are supposed to, and “hands free” explains this phenomenon.

Other Uses of 'Hands Free' Masturbation 

 

Pheromones are given off during the sexual stimulation of women, which I have noticed decrease the IQ of men at various speeds depending on the man. (This phenomena explains why lesbians are renowned as better bedroom conversationalists.) The men that are the most slow to be affected by the pheromones are the ones tending to be the most sexual in terms of such things as wayward sex lives.

What this phenomena does is to allow women to manipulate men in confined areas, once their IQ has dropped the men can be propositioned more easily. This is the first time that pheromones have been proven to exist.

 

It is possible, in emergencies, to use 'Hands Free' to keep awake, as women feel more awake after orgasm. (Men roll over and fall asleep).

 

The strength of the orgasm can be increased by breathing out just before orgasm, and standing on tip toe and bouncing up and down. For those suffering from  Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD) breathing in at orgasm will cut the strength of the orgasm.

 


"Hands Free" as a Mental Illness Treatment

 

Because endorphins are given off at orgasm, while body building, and while listening to your favourite music, when all used together they have a positive effect for mental illness sufferers. Before I invented The British Space Administration Drinking Game cure as an alternative to The Kadir-Buxton Method cure, for those who thought the Method might hurt I used these endorphins boosters as a treatment, with the snappy slogan of: "Three frigs a day keeps the Psychiatrists at bay." One patient found that five was necessary. The Orgasmic Nose orgasm is an alternative to "Hands Free."