A Resucitation Method for the 21st Century

Raising the Dead

For years medical science has been attempting to bring people back from death. As long as people are only dead for a few minutes and skilled staff get to the scene on time defibrillators, adrenaline, and vasopressin are commonly used. A low tech and superior alternative is available in the Kadir-Buxton Jump Start (formerly Buxton Jump Start). Visitors to Royal grounds in the UK will find that they have found a great place to die. Staff members have been using this method of resuscitation for decades, and I have personally resuscitated someone after twenty six minutes, which is far longer than conventional methods. Yes, this method does have its limits, and an attempt to use it on someone who had been dead for three and a half hours was a failure, but practically everyone is less than twenty six minutes away from trained medical staff, in the UK at least.

The Kadir-Buxton Jump Start is so called because when it is used on a patient the patient immediately sits up with a start.

The method is easy to learn and use.

First, it must be ascertained that the heart of the patient has stopped beating.

Next, the edge of the shoed, or bare, foot must be brought down hard on the chest just above the heart.(Ribs can be broken with this method) The pain is so intense that it reaches parts of the brain which have not fully shut down, and this revives the patient.

Finally, the patient should be taken to hospital as soon as possible as there is a reason for them dying in the first place, which should be treated.

 

Six months after I first invented the Kadir-Buxton Jump Start an alternative treatment came along. Although it was inferior it was taken up by the Medical Profession because it had more money invested in it, the 'invisible hand' of the market led the medical profession up a blind alley, but I am sure that a Doctor near you would be interested in hearing of my invention.

People have asked me where I got the idea for the Kadir-Buxton Jump Start. It came from watching a TV programme on UK television years ago that pointed out the fact that dead US soldiers from the Vietnam war were flown home in cheap coffins. When the coffins were flown home they were put into nice coffins for burial. Approximately a third of the cheap coffins showed signs that there had been a struggle by the 'dead' soldier to get out of the coffin. Finger nail scratch marks on the coffins and bits of wood under the broken finger nails, amongst other things, testified to this. This was in spite of all known test to ascertain death had been done on the soldiers.

 I thought about this one day and felt that although the brain had died, it was only half of all nerve cells in the body. The other half were in the nervous system. I knew also that although it took two seconds for the brain to receive a message to say that a hand, say, had been injured the hand almost immediately moved away from the source of the pain. This must be due to the nerve cells in the body. The brain would kick in after two seconds to make sure that the hand did not go back to what had caused the pain in the first place.

From this I hypothesised that what had woken up the dead brains was the still live nervous system, which, not being as complex as the brain was harder to be damaged by death.

Further hypothesising that what woke up the brain from death was the inordinate amount of pain that the nervous system was feeling I conjectured that if enough pain was inflicted on the nervous system then the brain would wake up, and any martial artist will tell you that a one finger punch directly underneath the sternum protecting the heart is extremely painful.

All I then had to do was wait until I came across a dead body, and the rest is history.

For an alternative to The Kadir-Buxton Jump Start please see: Love Potion Number 10