The Drinking Game That Saves Lives
The British Space Administration Drinking Game
The Kadir-Buxton Method is a thirty second cure for mental illness. Only manic depression, psychopathy, and eating disorders take a little longer. I find, however, that some people do not like the idea of The Kadir-Buxton Method, believing that it might be painful. Some are also steadfast in not wanting to be cured. Others are sceptical because I am not a member of the medical profession who they look up to, so will not accept a cure from me. This is quite a problem to me as it may be many years before the medical profession is made to adopt my invention.
So I looked for an alternative cure for mental illness. The Kadir-Buxton Method stun works by shutting down and rebooting the brain. I found such a cure quite by accident after having a 'yard of ale' (1.5 litres of beer for an average sized person) and then attempting to sober up in order to have a conversation. The method I used in my attempt to sober up was to hyperventilate. The fast consumption of beer followed by the hyperventilation had just the effect I was after ( as well as being a new form of high ). All I had to do was try out the new method on a mentally ill person.
As a drinking game I was able to circumvent the problems I had in getting people to accept The Kadir-Buxton Method. It might not be able to eradicate bad memories but it does cure a wide variety of mental illnesses. This drinking game does not have the benefit of being free but it is still cheap. It is certainly cheaper and faster to cure someone this way than with standard medications that are in use today. Because the drinking game sounds fun more people are interested in trying it.
We still have the problem of whether it would be ethical to treat a person under the legal age to buy alcohol and if we did then we would have to have a scientific dosage of alcohol that went by body weight. The minimum dosage of alcohol would have to be ascertained by experiment but I am sure there would be no shortage of volunteers for the experiment.
The fitter that the patient is the longer it takes hyperventilation to have the desired effect, and they spend the longest time stunned. All report an extraordinary high which is said by those written off by the medical profession because of misuse of illicit drugs as better than the effect of illicit drugs.
As to the Drinking Game, it is being a rooky astronaut in the British Space Administration. The idea is to leave the mental illness at the restaurant at the end of the universe. The patient must first get into earth orbit by drinking a yard of ale as fast as possible. Sticky paper is applied to the forehead with the time taken to drink the beer. Next, the 'Anti-IQ Bomb' must be used to power the patient from earth orbit to the restaurant at the end of the universe. It is so named because on returning to earth the patient loses the ability to speak, ( the language that they spoke as a child is used even if they have forgotten it ) then the ability to interpret what is said comes back. Gradually the astronaut regains full consciousness. There is a residual high that keeps them orbiting the landing field for some time. The only known side effect is for a few hours there is a occasional tendency to trip even though there is nothing there to trip up on.
I point out that if the patient gets three more patients to try out the British Space Administration Drinking Game and show to their local Clergy and their personal Doctor that they are cured then they will be registered as a Saint in the Christian Church, even though this game is probably not how Jesus cured the mentally ill. A genuine halo is the reward.
I hope that the British Space Administration Drinking Game is brought into use in the Medical Profession. Mental illness has killed thirteen times the population of 'The Twin Towers' in the UK alone since the Kadir-Buxton Method was invented which only serves to keep the psychiatric profession employed at a cost to the UK of £100 billion a year. This is enough money to end global warming, and that is how we must spend this vast waste of money.
Have a good landing.